Why the government should be dismantled.

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Why the government should be dismantled.

An agitated passenger who claimed to have a bomb in his backpack was shot and killed by a federal air marshal Wednesday after he bolted frantically from a jetliner that was boarding for takeoff, officials said. No bomb was found.

Presumably, if you are agitated you need to calm down. Out of the wide range of vallum and Prozac and morphine and who knows what other powders available, the government's agencies can be relied on to always pick the cheapest. In this case, smokeless black powder.

It undeniably works, it delivers a long lasting effect, and if properly administered, there are no recorded cases when it failed to do the job. By comparison, the side effects (facial immobility, muscular rigidity and a drop in body temperature) are negligible inconveniences, and more importantly nobody ever complained.

Unsurprisingly, under those circumstances, the White House Press Secretary's comment is "From what we know, the team of air marshals acted in a way that is consistent with the training that they have received". The White House subscribes, it would seem, to the newfound cure for agitation. Or at least, to keep the it's straight, it didn't specifically train trigger happy airborne idiots to not shoot random passengers.

"It appears that they followed the protocols and did what they were trained to do", the man says. "Air marshals receive extensive training, some of the most extensive of any law enforcement agency, and we are very appreciative for all that our air marshals are doing to protect the American people", the man says.

Apparently that extensive training does not include any part about not shooting people for being agitated. After all, if everybody just shut the fuck up and took a seat, governing this country would be a lot easier. It would finally be actually feasible. If everybody was quiet sitting down in a room somewhere, the nice people over at the White House could ensure everyone's happiness. The ideal society could actually be brought to life. The heaven of societal perfection could finally be more than a bureaucrat's wet dream.

Would make Stalin proud. The old man was right after all. All the tank gunners sacrificing themselves for society's greater good in Tien An Men are rolling over in their graves, with teary eyes. The Communist Chinese government didn't see it at the time, but theirs was truly a great deed. They, you see, did what they were trained to do. Like shooting people. And didn't do what they weren't trained to do. Like not shooting agitated civilians. Just like our boys. Isn't it great to be part of the great world, a cog in the relentless march of progress to the stars ?

As a word of appeasement, the same Secretary wants us to know that investigations help officials learn lessons and apply those to future training and protocols. I suppose it's called animal testing. Except it's done on people. So it's a sort of animal testing on people. In related news, the FAMS is looking for live practice dummies, to offset the extensive costs of their extensive training. If you would like to apply, please click the link and follow the simple instructions on screen. Bring light clothing and one standard size towel.

The official account is that the man claimed he had a bomb. Except no single passenger on that flight heard anything other than "I've got to get off, I've got to get off". Oddly enough, the agents claim the man yelled it running through the isle. You'd think the passengers would have heard something. Somehow the passenger's testimony is a bit more valuable than the officer's, seeing how the passengers don't have a material interest. As in, you know, having just shot someone, trying to avoid murder charges et al. And considering that the guy didn't actually carry a bomb, as none was actually found. You know, like Saddam didn't actually have WMD's sort of thing.

Which brings forth a very interesting moral issue : If the US president is allowed to lie about some other guy having weapons so he can go ahead and slaughter some people, why shouldn't the White House staff be allowed to lie about some guy having a bomb, so they can kill him ? Where's the line drawn ? How's Bush better than an air marshal ? Aren't they both people ? Aren't they both citizens ? Aren't they both government monkeys ? Don't they both work for the White House ? So then, what's good for the boss should be good for the valet. After all, the US is a classless society. The only difference is whether you are with the government or with the governed. Sounds familiar ?

But why was the guy trying to get off, if he wasn't packing a bomb ? Maybe he needed to go to the toilet. Or maybe he had some mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, and the security theater put up by the big boys of "law enforcement" managed to get him frantic. Naa, couldn't be. Except it was.

The man did in fact have bipolar disorder. His wife kept saying he's sick, strangely enough the passengers did hear that. "He's bipolar, he missed his medicine". The passengers mysteriously did hear that too. Probably because it was actually said. And the gunshots, they heard those alright. Five or six of them. Their hearing was apparently fine.

The moral is that if you are bipolar, you shouldn't board a plane. Or if you are agitated. Or irritable. Or if you missed some sleep. Most people I know tend to miss some sleep traveling, what with all the schedules and things. They do become irritable often enough, and agitated. Perhaps they shouldn't board planes. For safety's sake, they shouldn't go near an airport when traveling. Actually, highways are probably not any safer. Or doughnut shops. Or tall buildings. Come to think of it, the US is not particularly safe for them.

Time to make a call, do you move out or do you sack the air marshals ?

12 air marshals were sacked.

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