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There's what, 6-7 billion people at the last headcount, or 6-700 trillion readers of the blogosphere if you add up what "authority" bloggers claim for themselves.
Everybody has stuff, sure, some of our more African colleagues only have one shirt button and one somewhat banged teapot. But it's more than compensated by the average teenager's collection of CD's, DVD's, videogame cartridges, small unidentifiable bits and oh-so meaningfull t-shirts. Not to mention the virtual blogosphere-readership people, with their widgets and feed readers and toolbars and whatever else. The average comes to well over one million bits and pieces per capita, and that's excluding original ideas. With so much stuff, some of it has got to get mislaid, misplaced, obscured and in due course become lost, vanished and gone. I've conducted a little research through Carlin's pile, and let me tell you, plenty of stuff's missing. Most of all, and not too surprising, people are missing. All sorts of people. Most notably, troublemakers. Amusingly, we find a modern day Solzhenitsyn bent on exposing Bush and his misdeeds. While the passion and kookyness was preserved intact, I dare say that from a literary standpoint alot has been lost these past 50 years.  A close second, children. The main culprits, as per usual, UNICEF, Satanism and Idaho. As to the Global Marchers inquiry, it stands to reason that 15-20% of children that need to work but are forcibly sent to school instead have been eaten by the famished family. They may be the hardest to ..., but they sizzle pretty well.  As a footnote, women are missing, apparently by the millions. Who'da thunk it ?! Especially the hot exotic indigenous ones.  As a footnote to that footnote, elders are missing, but that may well be the frenzied desperation of so called "nursing homes" discovering, 20 years down the road, and if you offer shit for service you will, eventually, be downsized out of existance. Some intrepid Frenchman has managed to misplace the masses outright, but we can't seriously think masses are lost, quite the contrary, they're much too found. Still people related, some sort of unmentionables are also missing it would seem, something to do with nonsyndromic X linked mental retardation. You're free to come up with your own interpretation, but isn't X the womanly gene thing ?  Conspicuously absent, any white males. Either they don't go missing or nobody seems to miss them all that much. Money is not quite as well represented as I imagined. Some billions and some coins. I think the answer to the missing youth allowances is rather plain and obvious : In their room & No videogames.  Plenty of other living (sorta) things are missing. Lichens. Fungi. How can fungi be missing to begin with ? They can't even be found. Why'd Hong Kong know anything about it anyway ? Apparently, some genes are missing too. About 80% of them. So who stole most of the genes ? And what did they want with the enzyme thingy ?  Can you even get your head around it ? We're missing the fragments of a reaction involving a restriction enzyme. That's a rather complex thing to be missing. How do you even explain it to people ? "Officer, Im missing a..uhhh...hmmm... well, I'd know it if I saw it". And who misplaces a kidney ? But very strange and incomprehensible things are missing galore. All sorts of galactic stuffs should be and are not. Galactic satellites ? Cosmic metals ? Galactic Baryons ? What the heck is an antidecuplet ? Who took the neutrinos, and where ? More importantly, how ?!  What's a WHIM gas, and why Martian meteorites, specifically ? Why not Plutonian meteorites ? But forget all that. Apparently, there's whole galaxies missing altogether. With their respective baryons, neutrinos, satellites and meteors. It boggles the mind. Let's try and get back to earth before we give ourselves mindstrain. Ever felt some films are missing ? You were right, they are. Also some artefacts, whatever they be. Lots of barrels, too. Some bees. How come bees are missing, but not wasps ? Who takes barrels but not funnels, and why ? Why are you paying mortgage ?  There's plenty of stuff that's not just plainly missing, it's actually hidden. Most likely by the government. As part of a greater conspiracy. The FDA ate some companies. Reports, frames and an entire Boeing have been spirited away, most likely to Area 42. Traditional household fans want the Russian interrogation protocols back, damnit. Through trial and error (using just a metallic paper clip), it was established that some links in the global energy system are also missing. Possibly some hair and nails as well.  Knowledge is by far the most affected by lossage. Whole compendiums and kernel source libraries are gone. A total of 116 pages and 10 images, as well as sections, discussions, posts, specs, columns can't be found. And the topper, there seems to be no content, either. Oh, the humanity!  Plenty of stuff has been lost in the so called "evolutionary debate". Mostly, time.  And finally, some things are missing that surprise nobody. Pieces are made for the very purpose of missing just like ketchup is made to sell detergent. Regulars aren't really friends with burritos, which are however good friends with 100+ lbs too loose, so by consequence, they'd be MIA.  As to Plato's solids... we still have to actually find one single thing of his otherwise numerous progeny anywhere in nature. We've been looking for two thousand years, and (maybe with the exception of the Platonic Fluids found on A Certain Blue Dress), we're still looking. In closing, stuff that, while missing, most likely belongs that way.  On a more positive note, we can proudly announce that the Anderson family records have been found recently and therefore are no longer lost.  Small portion or not, it's still something. 17 people lost it. |
