I'm satisfied.

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I'm satisfied.

This website was mostly started on a lark, a couple years ago.

The premise was simple. There were people presenting, or rather, marketing themselves as "ultimate jerks", a sort of mean kids around this schoolyard that pompously calls itself "blogosphere".

And don't get me wrong, that's fine. I have no problem with it. In fact, being a mean kid is fun. Especially on the whatever-sphere. It's easy to do. It really is. It's painless. In fact, it doesn't have any of the drawbacks it'd have back on planet Earth.

But they were doing it wrong. Their concept was solid, their execution shoddy. They were (and still are) the equivalent of someone inventing rocketry and then diligently applying it to gardening. Forget fucking gardening, blow shit up. Blow shit up in outer space. You've got rocketry, now use it.

So our boys and girls, the Maddoxes and Tucker Maxes and Violent Acres of this world, happily failed at it. "Ultimate jerks", absolute bad kids, one part jerk to a hundred parts toeing the social lines. Bad boys in the sense that their hair was half an inch longer. Bad girls in the sense that they occasionally got home at half past (!) nine. What a scandal.

I can beat these muppets at this game, I thought, and beat them I did. For about two years, Zenofeller was so far past any comprehensible limits of asinine misbehavior it made ears bleed.

Zenofeller published suicide advocacy material that to this day has to be paralleled in either hair raising cynicism or hair raising bluntness. With visual aids. Zenofeller told O'Reilly where to stick it in no uncertain terms.

In fact, the list of personalities, notorious nobodies and random schmucks in between those two that got a black eye on the set is pages long. Zenofeller wouldn't even discriminate between the living and the dead. People from all walks of life, be they sheriffs, feminists,real estate salesmen or the fucking Pope, with a princess or another thrown in there for good measure got tarred and feathered for no apparent, or comprehensible reason. And the entirety of South Korea. And China.

All this while trying (still unsuccessfully) to get sued, appropriating anyone's trademarks that was not fucking cool enough to have them in the first place, plainly stating that the zenofeller forum is above the law in the very EULA, instigating murder and probably arson (tho I couldn't quote right off the top of my head). There's one and only one place on the entire oh-so wide web where you could download Salo if you felt like it. Guess where.

I'm not even half way through and I'm tired already. O wait, there's the seventy-thousand profile pics of people from that bdsm site, whether they thought they deleted them or not. And the mutilation cartoons. And the gaming the technorati system and then putting the scripts up for download, which knocked their servers out cold for two days straight at the time. And explaining to people how to harvest each and every last email address ever typed into blogger. Or the time when I made the entire Encyclopedia Dramatica newbcrew bitch and whine and try to "get back at me". Don't forget the organised and deliberate trolling, oft-times to hilarious effects.

In short, zenofeller did it all, and then some. There is no website out there which can, even taken in it's entirety, top any single one of what, fifty, a hundred articles. Nobody's a worse asshat, a more annoying pest, a bigger dingleberrying jerk than yours truly, Z.

So, I'm satisfied. Thoroughly, completely, exhaustively satisfied. Thanks to all the victims that made this pleasant, reminiscing afternoon possible. Thanks to my English teacher in the 7th grade who sucked my cock every morning at eight, which allowed me to relax and enjoy junior high. Thanks to my ...

Ahem. Back on track here. I've done the jerk, as far as it can be done, or as far as it's worth doing, really. At least to me. And if anyone thinks they can be bothered to top it, hoopla-hoo and good luck to them. I, for one, am done.

That doesn't mean the end of this website, by any means. It just means I'm done hiding behind a stupid Internet tough guy persona. It just means I'm going to be writing better articles. It just means I'm going to be talkable to.

The show goes on. Welcome to level two.

15 people can hardly believe their eyes.

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this page was made using a bent spoon. anything else is for failures