The no links zone.

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The no links zone.

I never understood people having websites link to other websites. What sort of cretin shit is that ?! Sure, it's allowed in the html specs. That doesn't mean you have to do it, does it ? Using the <I-am-Stupid> tag also is allowed by the html specs, strictly speaking. Does anyone use it ? And yet, statistically, most people authoring web pages are, in fact, solidly stupid. At least using a tag to warn fellow humans would serve some purpose. Yet nobody does it. Instead, everybody links to other websites. Why ?

To try and answer that question, I have assembled, interrogated and dis-assembled a panel of self proclaimed experts on the subject (since I personally am completely null on this entire Internet thingy, a fact plainly apparent to anyone inclined to read through the articles and possessed of enough savvy to notice cruddy skills and their slow, limax-like crawl towards mediocrity. Who knows, one day I might even master frames. Stylesheets. Sky's the limit.), selected from among my instant messenger friend list.

To be completely honest, this entire site mostly exist because I was getting sick and tired to hear people with no education, no understanding and no insight whatsoever try to pretend like their domain of expertise is somewhere on the Internet, and that makes their aching void of competence okay, and to show the respective collection of idiots that a) You don't need to know anything whatsoever to run a website just as well as anyone ever could and b) That each and every single domain of Internet "expertise", and all of them collectively are completely useless, pointless, and what's worse, stupid. For comparison, deconstructivism is merely useless and mostly pointless.

The most important result of the above panel, to me, was to further document my perfectly reasonable conviction that most people on the Internet are, in fact, solidly stupid. The second most important result was that, since I liberally let all of them know how I felt about most of their oh-so invaluable input, a few of these ghostly Internet friends added me to their ignore lists, and I'm pretty sure one is, at this moment, cutting up wax figurines of the letter Z. Good. Fuck em. Maybe this way I will be able to get through my morning coffee without smileys.

A negligible side effect of all the hollering back and forth is the following list, ordered by stupidity. I am not sure however if the order is ascending or descending, seeing how stupidity is so hard to quantify.

1. But zeno, Goooooogle uses incoming links to determine your page rank. If you don't link to other sites conceivably other sites won't link to you and thus you go down in the search lists. And if nobody linked to nobody, how would google even work ?!

Incidentally, I don't give a fuck what Google does. I don't run google.com, I run zenofeller.com. The day someone hires me to run google.com, I will possibly start caring. Maybe. I am pretty certain I could just put up a mirror to google and be done with the entire thing, maybe sit on a sofa and rub my cock while looking at how "my" stats evolved this week. What the heck would be the point of that ?

As it is, I provide content and google merely indexes other people's content. Why I would be well advised to alter my content to better fit with a search engine eludes me. It's the search engine's job to find the content, let them do it. Did you ever stop at the entrance of a store and asked the clerk if they would prefer you dress in black, blue or red to shop there ? Do you go to the whorehouse and ask the whore where she'd prefer to take it today ? What the fuck ?

I'm not going to take over and do their job for them so they can then go around pretending like they're actually being useful and sell stock. If indeed they provide a service to this world, they don't need me doing their job. And if they expect me to go around and select links for them so they can then use my selection to build indexes to better serve their customers, I want a share of whatever they're worth. Since that's not likely to happen, this is a really bad way to argue that I should have outbound links on my site.

2. But you don't understand, if you aren't in the search listings you don't get traffic. You're as good as dead.

This reversed logic flabbergasts me. I am perfectly healthy. I exercise regularly, even if it is mostly in bed. When I feel like it I type stuff down and put it on my website. This is what I do. On the other hand, other people sit around all day long, eat chips, drink coke, puke, pick their nose with the hand they used to wipe their ass and forgot to wash and so forth. These people sometimes occasionally use that same hand to stumble over to my site. I'd rather they didn't, but there's no real way to keep them out. Finally, there are, or at least I love to think there are, people whom I would not run over a king size grater.

These people are able to follow logic, and occasionally even think for themselves. They read actual books, and understand stuff. They know how everything they own works. Although not very many, they are the reason things happen. Fifty thousand years ago, they were discovering the wheel. Five thousand years ago, they were discovering writing. Five hundred years ago they were discovering America. Five years ago they were discovering ways to efficiently manufacture king size graters.

Now tell me all these people really need google to show them the wheel, writing and America. Tell me they really need a fad to identify a trend. A label to identify an idea. In other words, tell me you're one of the idiots and let me ignore you already.

3. But links serve an actual purpose, they allow people to see things they are interested in.

Oh boy, really ? We must be going to different Internets then. In fact, people link to other sites for a very few reasons.

Mostly, they are trying to push something, be it something for sale, or some "friendly" site. That links back to them. The value of linking to a site so that it links back to you can be mathematically shown to be zero, as an application of gaming theory. The value of linking to a seller of whatever commercially available product can be experimentally shown to be zero. Yeah, I heard all about how X Y and Z, great Internet entrepreneurs the lot of them, make 10,20,50,100 billion dollars a second from serving ads. The fact remains google doesn't serve google ads on it's own pages. Need more be said ?

Fact of the matter is, while links that are actually useful might, maybe exist, the deluge of bullshit links that just take up space so far outnumbers them, that it is simply not worth digging through the mess. Actually, the worst thing one could become after death is probably a search engine crawler. Either that or a toilet.

4. All this may be true, but the fact remains, people click.

Sure they do. I don't care. I will unveil a dirty secret nobody wants to talk about. Ever since Endless September, it became apparent that the universe is not discrete, with two clearly distinct levels of intelligence, human and computer. In fact, the universe is a continuum, with things as stupid as computers and things as smart as humans, and everything in between roaming around.

Crawlers follow links. Idiots go to link farms like that million dollar page aberration and enjoy it. I don't care about either. I could program a server to load my pages a million times a second and admire my stats. Or I could have a million braindead idiots load my pages every second. I fail to see the difference. To me, they are practically the same thing. I choose to happily ignore both.

5. Who cares how stupid they are ? Their money is as good as anyone else's.

I care. I am not interested in interacting with stupid people. My entire life is constructed around my imperious need and desire to keep idiots as far away as possible. If I didn't care, I could be a marketeer, just like you. Only better. But as it is, I do care, and you can keep your shitty job.

No amount of money could ever repay having to consistently interact with idiots. The only thing you can do with money is buy stuff, and the more stuff you pile up the more idiots that hover around you, attracted by the pile. It's like selling blood for everquest gold.

And most importantly, There.Is.No.Way.To.Make.Money.On.The.Internet. It was so designed, on fucking purpose. Sure, there are people who try. Sure, there are people who temporarily succeed. But only as a speculation. Google is considered to be worth this or that by the stock market, but it has never actually posted gains. EVER. Myspace sold for almost a billion, Facebook is on sale for a couple billions, nonetheless, neither ever made any money.

They may offer you benefits, I suppose Murdoch feels all tingly downstairs thinking of the millions of prepubescent girls using his domain, and if the guy feels like it's worth it, who are we to say Anna Nicole Smith might have been cheaper and more satisfying. His money, his fun. And sure, you may try to build the next myspace and sell it for whatever. Alternatively, you might go to Hollywood and be a star. It used to be only the lottery, but technology seems a wonderful means of increasing the number of taxes levied from people who can't think.

6. You don't understand anything about the Internet. I can't understand how someone as square headed and ignorant can draw breath.

Ditto.

Which about covers it. I still don't see why on Earth would I or anyone else link to other sites, and until that changes, you are in the no links zone. Enjoy.

I could have made 10 dollars on the Internet if I wasn't such a bonehead. You could find 10 dollars on the bottom of the ocean if you went free diving for it.

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