What is and What is not an Addiction.

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What is and What is not an Addiction.

People still read newspapers. It is unbelievable, on the face of it, but it still happens. It used to be, at some point in history that newspapers were simply the only way to get news of any sort virtually anywhere on the planet. Back then however, newspapers were not nearly as popular, and they didn't sell nearly as many copies. Nowadays, opening any given newspaper you wish, you know for a fact, aforehand, that the following will be true : Every single article is pure bullshit, either by trying to serve the agenda of the particular group that pays for the newspaper (and that group is never, by any stretch of the imagination, a group of readers) or by simply making shit up.

And yet, newspapers sell more copies than ever in history. I always assumed what motivates the reader is the following rationale : I have bought the newspaper yesterday, and it was the absolute worst piece of shit that could be conceived, under any circumstances. Therefore, I am safe buying the newspaper today, because there is no way under God's green sun that they can come up with a worse edition. Five minutes later, the guy shrugs, mumbles "Oh, well, guess I was wrong. They can." and throws the newspaper away. The vast amounts of newspapers in trash bins are proof of this.

So, just when the world thought the universal rock bottom of newspaper journalism has in fact been reached, we hear the story of mr. Thackray. From within, we find out that "Sean Thackray's addiction to Internet pornography began when he was 11 or 12. Ten years later, he was still hooked. The more he did it, the more he wanted to do it. He tried to stop several times but always failed, he said."

Which makes him an excellent case for inquisitive reporting journalism, because he is oh so different from every other twelve year old who has access to the Internet. He is, in fact, the only one person alive that actually uses the Internet to find porn. Goggle's top searches are "the life of Jesus" and "how to morally and christianly pick a good wife". Even in the rare cases when the feeble mind of a pre-teen might misuse the power of the Internet and check out some tuna, it rarely lasts past puberty. For sure nobody older than 16, or 17, or 19, or 22 ever would even conceive of doing anything even remotely similar. Which is why the 11th biblical commandment is not "Thou shalt not touch a lone sock left by the bed in a dormitory". There is simply no need for such an absurd, unfounded rule.

Reading on, we find that "The 22-year-old will tell his story at Sexual Integrity, a forum in the main committee room of Parliament House, Canberra, today. The forum is being organized by Warwick Asswipe, of the Fatherhood Foundation, to promote a national conversation on sexual exploitation. Mr Asswipe, an evangelical Christian, is an influential lobbyist for conservative family values." You might think someone named Asswipe would have the common sense to stay out of the headlines. Apparently, he does not. Then again, the man is an evangelical Christian, as opposed to, I suppose, a Jesuit Christian, or maybe a Joanite Christian ? Or could it be a not-completely-insane Christian ?

The porn addict will join two former sex workers, including a former brothel madam, in recounting their first-hand experiences. A US authority on porn addiction, Dr Mary Anne Layden, will also address the forum. "I consider myself an average guy," Mr Thackray says in his prepared speech. "I have a stable career. I am married and my wife and I are trying to pay off our unit. I like sport and cars and food and music and spending time with my mates … and I am addicted to pornography."

So, apparently someone in that whirlwind of evangelical christians and porn addiction authorities actually has some sense left. He says he sees himself as an average guy. Some people are addicted to breathing. They have tried to stop doing it, ever since they were as tall as the table, but it failed to impress mommy back then. Some other people are addicted to drinking water, in some form or other, even if sometimes they get pretty close to completely hiding the fact. They too have tried to give it up. For instance that time when they were stranded in the mountains after the plane crashed. Unfortunately, they didn't have any US authoritarians handy, and the attempt failed. They died. How sad. And some people are just addicted to pussies, either au naturel or impaled on a hefty cock.

What is more "average guy" than an addiction to biological imperatives ? Hang on, you might say, isn't an addiction supposed to be, like, bad for you ? Aren't you supposed to like, die because of it and like stuff ?

Well, as the US authority on such bullcrap, Idiot Mary Anne Layden will surely tell you, you can die from breathing. You can die from drinking water. Under some circumstances. You can sure as hell die from sex. Hence the expression "Baby, you're killing me."

Further, Iot (short for her proper academical title, which would be Idiot) Mary Anne Layden will point out that as with drugs, addicts cannot easily overcome their dependency, even if they lose their families and jobs; and they needed bigger "hits" to satisfy them over the years.

Obviously enough, given the prospect of a particularly juicy morsel, people have been known to give up their families, careers or both, voluntarily. The oldest documented example is mr Paris, ex ruler of what used to be the township of Troy. The latest documented example is mr Layden, ex chief of staff in Iot Mary Anne's bed. In between them stretch about three thousand years of human experience.

Drudging on, we find out that "From being aroused by the sight of a woman's breast, Mr Thackray needed increasingly graphic and violent pornography for arousal. He became desensitized to what once would have shocked him. When his wife discovered his addiction, it nearly ended his marriage." And with this we have the entire matter before our eyes. Let us consider it, stripped bare and holding it's metaphorical cunt open with it's metaphorical fingers, so it's metaphorical juice flows down it's metaphorical index and drips off the knuckle. Metaphorically speaking.

People are naturally interested in sex, be it intercourse or not, be it taking place before their eyes directly or mediately, for instance via some sort of a television screen. Let's call these commoners.

People are also naturally interested in power, and to a lesser degree in fame. Lets call these maryannes.

Now, the maryannes have noticed that you can, in principle, make it a law to forbid commoners from any sort of sexual interaction, unless it follows exactly their instructions as to what is acceptable.

At some point, the Internet emerges, allowing commoners to do whatever the fuck they please, while putting maryannes in the awkward position that nobody gives a shit about their Iot degree anymore. Aww man, and it was such a pain to get it, too.

Maryannes then come up with the nifty solution of calling any depiction of sexual activity via the Internet an addiction to Internet porn. Say there is a boy named Joe, a girl named Mary Anne who is ugly (with really saggy tits and a shrively dry vagina), stupid and conceited and another girl Mary Sue, who is 5"8, wears a 36D bra when she can be bothered to dress and really, really loves doing the dirty with Joe. Obviously, Joe and Mary Sue spend most of their time together, while Mary Anne has all the time she needs to be bitter, work her mildly annoying personality into a real disaster and get her academical degree of Idiot.

Then she barges in over Joe and Sue, who are as it happens doing guess what, recites the Iot credo, sprinkles some mumbo jumbo and then screams at the top of her lungs "You are addicted"!
Obviously.

To which the only response we could imagine Joe offers would be a resounding

"Get the fuck out of the room, bitch."

7 worthless causes are born every minute.

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