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Being a has-been is probably the worst you could be. You had it. It went away. Where did it go ? Mystery. It probably went to the pile.
Maddox used to have it. Back in 1995, when there were a total of 20 blogs out there, he had it big. It didn't matter how stupid you were, how boring, how mistaken, back then. Everybody got about as much attention, because there was plenty of attention to go around and not that many places it could go to. Then Maddox lost it. As people started to write, being stupid stopped cutting it. You have to actually have something, these days. A talent, maybe an idea. Heck, maybe even a few of those. Can't hurt. Being Maddox sucks worse than just being a has been, tho. An athlete can go, o yea, I had it all, before I showed the curb my ass-wipe bike riding skillz. Kinda went to shit from there. Johhny Depp could go, o, yea, I had it, before I blew it. Now that I've blow'd it and it's blown, I don't have it anymore. Oh well. These people KNOW why they lost it, because they knew what they had in the first place. Maddox never was this lucky. He never knew why he had it. What he had was, he just happened to be there. Like the bum at the crime scene. Everybody wants to talk to the bum at the crime scene. The police want to talk to him. The media wants to talk to him. Heck, they even give him chicken sandwiches and half empty starbucks coffee cups. They put him on TV. He's a fucking star. A star, you hear ? He has it all. But what exactly did he do ? Was the bum particularly perceptive ? Was he smart ? Was he funny ? No. He was there. But now other people came there, and they stop caring about him. Besides, he stinks. And he's not articulate. And, well, frankly, these other people don't care. They don't give a fuck. Not anymore. So our bum has lost it. How ? He doesn't know. What really hurts is, when everybody was talking to him, the bum figured they finally came to their senses. He's smart. He's funny. He doesn't stink. He's articulate. That's why they all want to talk to him. He is the ruler of the universe. And also a robot. How cool is that ? Then as people stop caring and go about their business, he notices nobody cares about him. He wants it back. But, sadly, he can't have it back, because, like virginity, you can only be the first there once. After that, there's other people there. So our poor bum tries everything, and obviously nothing really works. He even gives up for a while, and all the other bums, by force of circumstance, his fans, are heartbroken. They scribble their despair on walls, using rags dipped in shit. Eventually, he figures, what the hey. You don't need to have it, as long as you fake it real well. So he tries to fake it real well. Here's it faked, real well :  Is that cool, or what ? Women go to the trouble of forever imprinting his face next to their holy. I guess being a lap dog sneaked back into fashion. This would be all fine and dandy, except for a few problems. Let's take a closer look :  Now, why is it that I can distinctly see the small pixel noise around the "tattoo" but I can't see small pixel noise anywhere else ? In fact, noise around the "tattoo" is about 8 times more precise than anywhere else. Could this be because the "tattoo" comes from a tool that processed an image with a higher resolution than it originally had ? Could it be that Maddox actually photoshopped that face there ? But wait, there's more. For the benefits of all those readers that never actually saw a naked woman, and since you need to ask, yes, I mean IRL, here's a little detail. That area is curved. That's the problem with porn, pictures deceive, camera angles deceive and cropping deceives. You've probably seen half the planet's crop of clitorises, good for you, but there's a bit more to know about women than that. I think. I know you won't belive me, so I had to get a dizzy cow drunk to show you. See ?  Seriously, it's not flat. It's curved. Here's a second example :  Why does this matter, you ask ? Well, let's move back to safer subjects. Like, geometric projection. A quick refresher :  A square projected on a flat surface will yield an apparent square. A square projected on a curved surface will yield an apparent rectangle, in a proportion that's a function of the curvature of the surface. Why, then, is Maddox's logo in the same proportion on his (presumably flat) site, and on the (presumably alive) girl ?  Either the site has scurvy or the woman is actually painted cardboard. So, way to go, champ. And come to think of it, didn't Tucker Max come up with some tattoo story at some point ? Better look into that too, the boys are friends, except one is a better liar than the other. Maddox lied 1 times so far. |