Kill Yourself Right. No survivors.

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ASYLUM
The Great American Novel

ASIAN FRENZY
Now With Larger Bucket and Complimetary Toupee

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In Thailand She Came while A Golden Flute She Played

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AMATEUR BITCH
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ADULT FILM STAR
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In Thailand She Came while A Golden Flute She Played

AMATEUR BITCH
Lenin Peep Show backstage. Buy Now!

ASIAN FRENZY
Now With Larger Bucket and Complimetary Toupee

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Lenin Peep Show backstage. Buy Now!

AMERICAN SLUT
Anatomically Correct Weasel Leftovers. On Sale.

ADULT FILM STAR
Click me and watch your Chiarcok grow

ASIAN FRENZY
Now With Larger Bucket and Complimetary Toupee

BARE BLACK
In Thailand She Came while A Golden Flute She Played

AMERICAN SLUT
Anatomically Correct Weasel Leftovers. On Sale.

ADULT FILM STAR
Click me and watch your Chiarcok grow

AMATEUR BITCH
Lenin Peep Show backstage. Buy Now!

AMERICAN SLUT
Anatomically Correct Weasel Leftovers. On Sale.

AMATEUR BITCH
Lenin Peep Show backstage. Buy Now!

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Kill Yourself Right. No survivors.

Before we can go to the juicy parts, let us get some important stuff out of the way.

No disclaimer. If you will be in any way injured from trying to put in practice what you read in this article (or anywhere on my site for that matter) I will be most pleased. If you die as a result of trying to put in practice what you read in this article I will dance on your grave (please leave enough money in an escrow account at my disposal to cover luxury class travel and accomodation for me and any company I bring with). Not only I won't accept any sort of claims for damages, or any sort of bitching in any shape or form, but I will go to the trouble of saying right here that it is my intent and utmost desire to see people injured, maimed and dead as a result of reading this article. Serves them right, bunch of idiots. The world is now a better place.

Why would you kill yourself ? Well, why not ? Name one good reason you think you should not kill yourself tonight. Here is a list of the most frequently heard answers,each with its corresponding rebuttal.

I have people that love me.
These people are then in one of the following categories :

Parents and older relatives : They do not love you, they love themselves. They are more than glad to see someone else who is about to get screwed in exactly the same ways and for the same reasons they were. They just want to see you have to struggle for rent, survive bitter divorces, be mocked by dates, waste your life in front of the tv, eat shitty food, never afford anything cool, work all day in a sucky job so the boss can drive you nuts, buy shit you don't need and be surrounded forever with the same sort of people as they were. It's akin to going to a very crappy resort for the vacation, having a miserable time and then telling everyone at the office how great it was, so they get screwed too. They have planned this carefully and have worked at it their entire lives, conditioning you to respond to things exactly the way that made them the useless slobs they are themselves. You might be able to work really hard and overcome all this expert handling during your most impressionable years. Or you could just kill yourself and give them the finger the only way it really hurts. Way to go.

Spousse, significant other and friends. They do not love you, they love themselves. They will say they love you, but then again they will say they didn't fart, finish the cookies, cheated or crashed the car. Fact is they need the tax deduction, joint mortgages, a scapegoat for the shitty kids they produce, and generally a way to justify their miserable lives, their shithole apartments and their lack of prospects. Why should you care ? Try the following mental image : if tomorrow you went to jail for raping children, who would still be around of all these “unbreakable” relationships ? So, why bother rape children ? Kill yourself and be rid of these idiots forever.

Children and other dependants. You know they don't love you, so I won't even bother with that. You hope they will eventually love you, right ? Or at least come to understand you ? Hah ! Do you love your parents now ? Will you, in a decade ? So then ? Come to understand you ? Do you understand your parents ? Is there anything at all to be understood about you ? So what are you waiting for then ? In the old days parents could at least psychologically abuse their children and ensure they would have the spectacle of the idiots struggling and failing for their entire adult lives, and enjoy that in the old age. But not anymore, kids dont even call now unless its Thanksgiving. The “social progress” has managed to destroy that last satisfaction one could have derived from rearing children. Why bother ? They will suck up your time and money, never ammount to anything and not even give you the satisfaction to polish your boots while you say “I told you so”. The hell with that.

As you see, nobody loves you enough to be worth the hassle. If you think otherwise you are an idiot who should be put out of his misery now, because otherwise you will only realise it later on and be hurt and cry like the idiot you are.

There is so much more I want to see.
What the hell do you want to see that hasnt been seen ad nauseam for chrissakes ?

The superbowl. Red Sox will still suck.
Extraterestrial life. Rent Independence Day and stop right before Will Smith gets into whatever funny box he calls a fighter. You have seen it, problem solved.
A woman president. Women never have and never will run for office
A real president. Never is going to happen, men dont run for office either. It's always politicians, and they are as we all know a genetically engineered breed of weasels. Not humans.
The colonization of outer space. Rent Star Trek and be done with it.
Martha Stewart in jail. Check the news archive
Egypt. Fine. Go there, then kill yourself.
My nephews wedding. Are you willing to wait that long just to find out if you will be invited ?
Various other crap. Forget it, there is nothing worth seeing left. Just die already.

I am making a difference.
Oh really ? How ?

I have an important job/career. Look around, see all your best friends at the office, your assistants and deputies etc ? Care to humor them ? You think if you die tomorrow the company will just close down ? Well, if it will it just proves what a shitty useless company it was in the first place.
I am saving the whales. They are trying to kill themselves, stop being an asshole.
I am a do gooder that does a lot of good. You're a meddlesome onoxious person, run a poll in the newspaper see how many people vote for you to gut yourself in public. If thats not good enough proof...
I write sites and books helping people to kill themselves. Alright. Wait till your audience drops then kill yourself.
I am a feminist. I will pay you to kill yourself.
I am smart. Prove to me that there exists a p and q, prime numbers, so that p + q = 2 to the n'th power for n being any natural number. Time's up. Seems you aren't smart enough to make a difference.
I am rich and benevolent. Stop squandering your dad's money. Yes, I know its hard to stop. Only one way to be sure...

Now that we're done with all this shit, let's see why you should kill yourself right now.
I am sick of you.
Everyone you know is sick of you, and the vast majority of those you never met are too.
There is nothing you can do that will make a difference. Absolutely nothing at all. Someone is already saving the whales. Someone is already making tons of money. Someone is already defending women's rights. Someone is already doing everything you can think of, and better than you can imagine, let alone could do it.
There is nowhere to go where there aren't already more people than the earth can support.
Mortgages. Debt. Tv commercials. Pollution. Cancer. Cubicals. Traffic jams. Parking tickets. Jobs. Tv dinners. Julia Roberts. Taxes. Call Collect. Neighbours. Children. Coldplay. Fat people. People. Religion. Muslims. Body odours. Elevators. Political corectness. Hot sexy chicks on TV. Rap. Country. Mtv. Romantic comedies.
Most importantly, you will die at some point anyway. Why wait for cancer to get you ? Why give people the chance to keep you rotting in a hospital bed for months like that unfortunate Terri Schiavo carrot ? What if you will be in some accident, paralised and needing help to shit and they, in their humanity won't let you kill youself ?

Better do it now, and do it right. Here are the instructions

General rules :

All suicide attempts should ideally take place in the late evening, right after sundown. This reduces the chances of you being accidentally helped.

Do not lead on to anyone that you are about to do it. People have a material interest to keep you around (so you can take their shit and wash their dishes) so don't trust anyone. They may claim they want to help you, but they will only help themselves.

Leave a will if you own anything, and a letter telling them to all go fuck themselves. Cite any person or thing that might have inspired you. Leave completed application for the Darwin Awards.

1. Just sit around. You will eventually die.

Pro's :
Absolutely guaranteed to succeed, very low profile.
Con's :
Takes a while.

2. Chemical substances.
Find something toxic to swallow. Best bet would be a very large amount of paracetamol (active substance, look for brands containing that, should be easy to find) and wash it down with alcohol, enough to knock you out. Go 1 capsule per pound or more. Also good, a large ammount of heroin, cocain, amphetamin or derivatives (not pot, you can't kill yourself with any form of marihuana or THC). Wash these down with milk, or some highly sugared juice. Go for 10-20 doses at once. Barbiturates. Alcohol is a must, go for at least 3 different brands, and 20+ pills per brand. All these are reasonably painless ways to go, which is why girls love them.

It's advisable you avoid swallowing washing products, they are painfull as hell.

Pro's :
Excellent for chickenshits, because its painless and unobvious (you may think stabbing yourself is easy, but it is not, there is such a thing as a conservation instinct. Pills fool that marvelously)
Con's :
Rather high chance to be rescued, unless you do it right. You will have to deal with people smarter than you (doctors for instance) who might realise what you are up to.

3. Firearms.
Shoot yourself. Go for the tried and trusted mouthshot, it is the most effective. If you own a rifle, sit on a chair, take off a boot and a sock, put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger with your toe. Nobody ever in recorded history was rescued from this one. If you own a pistol or such, stick it in your mouth a bit inclined upwards and perfectly centered. Ideally you should use a 45 caliber, there is a very slight chance a 38 wont do the job, especially if you dont know what perfectly centered means.

If you can get a frag grenade, take it in your mouth and pull the pin. This one gets the “No Survivors” badge of perfection.

Pro's :
It's manly.
Con's :
If you don't already own a weapon when you read this, it will take a while to get one without raising suspicions.

4. Law enforcement.
Find out where is the closest off limits military base (should be in state directory). Pack your car full of boxes and go through the gate at full speed. Crash the car into whatever and come out carrying weapons or replica's. That should do it.
Alternatively, run into a police barrage in the same outfit. Also you can rob a bank or take a child hostage. You don't really need a real gun, a good replica will do, especially if it can fire loud cartridges.

Pro's :
You will make the news.
Con's :
Takes a bit of planning and plenty of determination to go right, and an extrovert personality.

5. Asphyxiation.
Hang yourself. Two ways you could go about it, rent a room in a motel, soap a rope and kick the stool, make sure the thing you tied the rope to is tall enough and solid enough. Alternatively, you could tie the rope to a bridge or something similar and jump with the rope around your neck. This will snap your backbone and you die instantly.

Pro's :
It can be a great show.
Con's :
Either slow and painfull for 1st method or risky and you dont get to cum for 2nd.

6. Electrocutation.
Get yourselves two handcuffs and tie one to each of the bed pillars or similar solid structure. Cut a power plug off something, add a switch for the phase (red wire). Connect the wires to the handcuffs, put your hands in handcuffs, hit the switch. Might be fun. If you know about power transformers you could use one to give yourself 3-4-500 volts.

Pro's :
Rarely used, so it's original
Con's :
110 volts might not be enough or take too long (as in minutes).

7.Heights.
Get up there and jump. Pick a drop at least 50 feet high, 100 and over if you will not be falling on concrete.

Pro's :
Leaves a cool looking blob.
Con's :
You will shit your pants on the way down.

8.Traffic.
Jump on the high speed lane. Jump in front of a truck. Crash your car into a bridge. Drive the car off a cliff. Just make sure you don't under-do it, if you survive you will be messed up badly. Make sure you destroy the airbag before you start, or better yet but a shitty old car with no security. If you will drive into a solid wall you need about 100 mph to be sure. If the wall is not solid (like a brick wall or woodply or whatnot), dont bother with it. If you will hit something coming the other way, you need to each be doing 60mph +. Please pick a 16 wheeler or other big truck.

Pro's :
Relatively easy to do, uses only common materials.
Con's :
You might change your mind at the last moment and brake, or the shock might not be enough to kill you, and then you will be in worse shit than now.

9.Bloodletting.
Do not use a razor. I'm sick of all this girly shit. Use a knife, and very sharp, or a scalpel if you can find one. Do not cut your wrists you pussy. Fill a bathtub or warm watter, sit in it and cut your femural. That is a long thick vein that runs along the femur (the bone at the front of your leg). It's easy to cut it against the bone and it carries a lot of blood. Make sure you cut along the leg and not across. Alternatively, you could open the cava vein, right before it lets the left and right hepatic veins out. It makes a bloody mess, and you'd better know what the hell you're doing to try this one.

Pro's :
It really makes a statement, nothing takes quite as much determination as this one.
Con's :
It hurts as hell, and it takes expert knowledge. Chances are if you are this informed and determined, you wouldn't consider killing yourself, you'd be doing other wholesome things with your life. On second thought, you wouldn't.

10. Some combo or version or new thing you came up with.

Pro's :
You came up with it.
Con's :
You came up with it.

That about does it for this guide/tutorial, meet you in hell sometime.

14 people finally got it right.

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