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Ever since we started mass producing sugar and fast food junk, deep fried in fat and served with grease, the group of fatsies has slowly been gaining strength. Fifty years ago, a prepubescent girl sporting moderate baby fat was a certain target of collegial humiliation.
Nowadays, people look on as some lard ass sits on two chairs in the cafeteria, one under each cheek, and don't notice anything wrong with the picture. Hospital beds used to be made for 350 pounds, because nobody was over 300 and that's how engineers design things, max + 20%. But now "Three-hundred-fifty pounds is nowhere near what we need for beds now," said Art Kidrow, a nurse manager at Barnes-Jewish. "We've had some 650-pounders up here 650 pounds. That is about 400 or so pounds of pure fat. And 20 or so pounds of skin that's useless except to keep all the fat in, sorta. And 5 or so pounds of ill smelling fat ass sweat. And half pound of sebum, pouring down all that skin, making it shine and attract bugs. You would think anyone in that position would find a hole to hide in. Presumably stay there and go hungry until they start looking less like a perambulating fridge and more like a human being. For a couple decades, that was true. We were safe. They can't leave the bed, and by bed I mean a 2 inch reinforced Kevlar mesh. Even if they try to, their fast food joint autonomy is about 15 minutes, which, even if you consider they can carry about 20 pounds of triple-double-cheeseburgers and King-Kong fish sticks and a gallon or so of sugary syrup, at their half yard/hour walking speed means precisely 5 feet. The only practical way they could get anywhere would be hi-jacking a full delivery truck. As part of the white man's conspiracy, nobody made ninja suits to fit. We were safe. But now, that fucking cretin Al Gore had to go and invent the fucking Internet. Everybody told him to lay off, but no, he had to do it. And sure enough, pretty soon all these useless tubs of lard got connected. Five years after everyone else, their grease soaked neurons finally mastered the basics of such revolutionary concepts as typing and sending emails, and even, in rare cases, the arcana of handling public blogging services like blogger. Yay. And now, we have a bunch of people that never saw their toes this millenia, getting together, and getting organized ! They are fucking taking over, I tell you. You'd better start listening to their demands, or else ! Or else what ? They might fart. They might sweat. They might even belch ! Fear the FatsoPower. On the positive side, they are funny as hell. Here's some random clippings : Some random fatso blog trying to be sarcastic : 650-pounders? What, they've treated fish? I think I might have seen a 650-pounder out in Lake Michigan last week. Oh, wait. I get it. Fat = not a person. (I could even go to an extreme and suggest that, subconsciously, this person is thinking about fat people as whales. But I won't.) Absolutely. There is no such thing as "Fat Person". It's an oxymoron. Fat asses are not persons. Persons are not fat asses. We can happily agree that women are persons, that blacks are persons, heck, even that gays are persons, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. If you weigh over the 300ish pound line, you are not a person. You may claim you are "people", maybe, but unless you find a surgeon willing to separate you people into persons, you are not a person. The fish analogy is particularly cogent. Many fish will eat as much as they can find, no matter what size they get. Lacking most of the superior brain that mammals in general and primates in particular enjoy, they just stuff their faces. The second Big Fat Carnival is a-happenin', and time to submit your entry is running out. The carnival is a collection of "best of" blog posts, submitted by readers. Please, add in your contributions! And thanks to Meloukhia for reminding me! That's a nice idea. Let's have a carnival. On the Internet. Let's make posts on some inane forum and pretend those posts are people. Let's sit all day in bed and stuff French fries and pretend we have a life. Let's pretend we are people too. Let's pretend magic wands are people, and empty Chinese take out boxes are people too. Isn't life wonderful when you're surrounded by all the shiny happy buzzing people ? A collection of massively overweight and otherwise useless bitches (MOOUB) is fighting for Fat Libs. That's right. The woman lib movement had so much success in it's early stages that even if it has now decayed in a cragmire of stupidity and internecine fighting it should be imitated. Except when your skull contains mostly polymerized grease, you miss that distinction, and end up imitating the failures. But the comedic value does not stop there. After all, when you're too fat to fit through the meat grinder, what do you have left to lose ? Any decency ? Any self respect ? If you had those you wouldn't be here, right ? We posted an ad on New York's Craigslist which asked men to respond about their feelings regarding dating a fat woman. Our ad, entitled Would You Ever? said: "Would you ever date a fat girl? What if she were "perfect" in every other way except she carries a lot of extra weight? What if she were intelligent and funny and interesting and pretty and had a great job, but she was a bbw (and not just a little chubby)? Would you ever consider dating her? Would you rather date someone really ugly or really fat? If you wouldn't date a fat girl, please include your reasons. I am interested in this topic since an overweight friend of mine recently told me that none of the men she knows treat her like a "woman" aka they don't find her attractive and none of them ever think of her in a romantic way. Please send me your honest responses. Thanks! " And sure enough, the responses - to me, it's un-attractive and indicates a hellava lot of selfish,self centered type of behavior. - I have dated an overweight girl. I have dated an ugly girl. It wasn't that bad. The ugly thing, that's just skin deep. However, the overweight thing is a matter of health. - Well I would get a nice Blow job from her cause I know that she givesreally good head.....But not date her ........Maybe take her home froma bar and let her do it!! - maybe b/c when she takes her clothes off and we see all he cellulite dripping from her bod it will make us throw up. and if your desperate enough to put up with that then we would never want her to be seen by our friends and family who might think she is gross too......thats my honest opinion - Sexuality and attraction go hand in hand with dating. Someone who is perfect in every way, except for being visually and sexually appealing, would make a wonderful friend. But I would never date it. - I've dated fat girls but there are some issues.. they are too overweight or out of shape to make love with and that them being fatis not the issue but it's a reflection of themselves (unable to takecare of themselves, etc.) One of the ones I've gone out with had amessy apt, never cleaned the coffee maker... that kind of thing (I rarely see it with thin girls) - cuz chubby girls stink down there - honestly i would not date a fat girleven if she is 23even though im in my late 40sbecause her being fat demonstrates that she doesnt respect herselfand if she doesnt respect herself, i know that down the road that she wont respect me - Because it's repulsive. "Really" ugly is also repulsive. But, there's more latitude as to face than as to obesity. Obese is obese, flab is flab, girth is girth, -- even in the dark it's repulsive.... and in 99% of the cases, it's voluntary. A woman has little control over her face, but she can take care of her weight -- diet, exercise, etc. So, if she's really fat, she doesn't care about her health or appearance, or pleasing her boyfriend. She stuffs her mouth to satisfy some neurotic desire other than normal hunger for food and nutrition. So. it goes to issues of character too -- the fat girl has a character defect. - no What did the announcement poster get from this deluge ? That "there were some negative responses". In the sense that they (and their imaginary friend) have some extra pounds. But really, there's no end of amusement. Apparently, since a good third of all Americans are overweight, politics should change so as to accomodate their abominable behinds. Oh, great splendour of grease-soaked intellect. On the same line, since a good third of all Americans use some sort of illegal drug, politics should probably change to accommodate meth. How about we do things right for a change, and start selling airline tickets by the pound. Ma'am, you have an economy seat, which buys you 250 pounds of travel. Your current 600 pounds means you need 2 more tickets before you are allowed to board, unless you wish to have part of you wait here. After all, if you are normal and present a 65 pound luggage you have to pay extra charges, but if some fat ass shows up, 400 pounds extra weight, slowing everyone down and requiring a fucking crane to be loaded and a forklift to be unloaded from the plane, they get it free ?! Why should normal people that put in the effort to stay within human limits pay for the self indulgence of fatties ? Fatties save on gym fees, they save on food, since the shit they eat costs about 10 bucks a pound, and now they save on transport too ? Isn't the fact that out of every dollar you pay for tax the fatties eat 40 cents with their unreasonable health bills enough ? All this fat lib talk is just bullshit. Nobody is disputing people's right to be as fat, lazy, useless a slob as they want. But nobody is going to start acting as if they weren't, either. What sort of shit is that ?! Al Gore would make a crappy president, but let's elect him anyway, because we shouldn't discriminate by people's ability ? Then again, Bush got in, so I guess it could be argued... The entire problem has a very simple solution really : 
Pick a distance between bars you are comfortable with, and let em sit in there until they can come through. If you're into that sort of thing, you could make sure the cage is in the dining room, or have ice cream and cookies prominently displayed, juuust out of reach. Heck, you can even add a bit of gas in the formula, for extra fast results. 1 butt-ugly dykes are now angry at me. |