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I don't know how much time you spend going to bars and clubs, but if it's more than half an hour back in 2001, you are bound to have noticed a most disturbing fact.
People are deformed. I do not mean anything along the lines of a slightly bigger than normal nose, or homey things like that. I mean downright clinically deformed, back from Hell with a vengeance deformed, I've been abducted by the aliens (twice) deformed.  You see anything wrong with this girl ? She's got really big eyes, doesn't she ? At least one of them. Whoever came up with the "I'm drowning in your eyes" line must have been dating her mother, because looking at her is akin to getting a twirly. Feel that suction sucka.  What about these two ? They complement each other well don't they ? I can almost see the boys, "Hey babe, I got a twelve inch snake for that sucker of yours, but what are we going to do about my mate here, he packs a pencil" "Well, I have a pencil sharpener friend"  What about these two ? Just how much back is it ok to show ? I mean, I realize this is an adults only venue, and it's late at night, but still shouldn't she pack that thing away ? Preferably in ice. It looks like it could make spare parts for a whale or something. Then again maybe her friend Teeth is hungry.  Just when you start thinking there must be some crazy genes at work here that only affect females, your eyes fall on these two. Seneca and Socrates, left to right. And a breathing, walking, talking eczema, much like the leader of the resistance movement in Total Recall. Remember that one ? The gooey squirmy little thing coming out of the big guy's stomach ? He was tucked behind a stripped shirt too, right ?  What's worse, the animal kingdom is taking over. People used to go to bars to escape the Discovery channel, but now the fauna is taking over. Look at Miss Froggy on the left, and tell me you don't expect Steve the Mad Crocodile Hunter to be jumping into the shot any minute now. Show us something deep down her throat or some such shit.  This guy has got it all. The 1920's gangster suit. The broad. The Birdsnest Hairdue (tm). Too bad it's spilled all over his face 
And like any real ecosystem, these freakish lumps of ectoplasm vaguely resembling humans have their own natural enemies. The guy on the left, for instance, swallows them whole. Guess who is coming for dinner ?  This guy was really interested in my camera, or to be more precise, the telescopic zoom. He looked like he's going to dry hump the battery hole any second.  Is there a draft in here ?  I will venture a guess, the girl on the left was taught how to smile by an electric chair, and the guy in the middle by a steamroller. There appears to be a third person to the right, but upon closer examination, it's nothing more than a painted over ironing board.  Meet the Shapeley sisters. Sorta like Not Another Teen Movie, except more.  Use your imagination, what did the girl on the left see ? She has a reflex like that. Other people move their legs when you kick their knee, this girl opens her mouth when she sees anything longer than 8 inches. Not the worst that could happen.  And here we have, inaugurating the matchmaking section of this article, the queens of the party. Sure, they are a good twenty years older than most of the other girls around. But, to their credit, those twenty years have been well spent, on the premises. In fact, they never leave. The irony is, after all this time looking for the rich doctor/businessman, they are still here. Generations of doctors and businessmen have risen and fallen, the medical profession went from chemotherapy to surgery and back, corporations have made billions and went bankrupt, but they are still here, unchanged. Can you imagine how those panties smell ? (By the way, does the one on the left have an extra pair of arms ?)  And here we have it, the night's perfect match. We wish them many happy reruns.  1 people look any better. |