Why China is not really a country.

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Why China is not really a country.

Here is an interesting story, of a guy who was at a time poor, born of poor parents in a hard neighbourhood. What became of him ? He went to school. Finished highschool and went on to college. Finished college.

This alone proves China is at least significantly dissimilar from a real country. Then again, they don't use marijuana there, they use hash. And besides, opium is legal. So, it could be argued that a real country absent "the war on drugs" = poor kid from poor neighbourhood finishing college. Maybe.

So, we have this poor kid with a college degree. He is burdened under so much college debt that he has to practically eat mudcakes for the next two decades while showing up every morning crisp and clear for his highly qualified and important work. On top of all that, the entire rest of his family is treating him like he has made it already, and is out to peel as much as possible off the one that made it. After all, you shouldn't forget your friends and family once you made it big.

What does our kid do next then ? Well, believe it or not, in a place like China, he registers his own company and makes two billion yuans (ie roughly quarter million bucks) in the first six months thereafter. Precisely what did he invest ? Threadbare socks on the commodity market ? High school sweatshirts on the spot market ? How did he manage such an ascent from almost zero to almost rich ?

Well, it could in principle happen. Maybe he was very very smart, or very very lucky. I suppose this is true, but he'd have to be extremely lucky and extremely smart all at the same time. His next few steps are predictable enough. He starts playing with stocks, he annexes 50 or so companies, he gets real real rich. To the tune of hundreds of millions.

What does he do now ? If you were a guy born in poor China (which, for the record, is very different than the poorest of the poor you ever saw, a fact immediately proved by Chinese immigrants who live a couple months in sealed containers with no air just so they can move on to Hell's Kitchen), what would you do ?

Well, he stayed in China. That's right. No Vegas, baby. No Disneyworld. No banging Paris. No banging Logan. He has a wife with a face that looks like her plastic surgeon's favorite tool is the roller. Either that, or she doesn't have a plastic surgeon. Do you know any married woman who would not have a plastic surgeon if their husband suddenly made a billion dollars ? I kid you not, we are not talking a few measly millions, this guy is billion material. Does this sound like a real person living in a real country ?

But wait, there is more. Suppose you made your first billion dollars before you were 30, in spite of being born poor and eating breadcrumbs off the campus grounds to get through college. Suppose you don't feel like spending any of that money, and your wife doesn't either. You just like logging in every morning to your bank account and seeing the 12 zeros. It is what makes your life worth living, 0's flashing on a computer screen. Here, see if it works for you :

1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
Do you feel happy ? Warm and fuzzy ? Any butterflies ? Well, so you and Yuan are different people, and different people feel in different ways. I suppose the word for that is weird, but anyway.

So what do you do next ? Oh, I know, check this out. You could find a bloke who caused you a one million loss. Are you with me here ? You made a billion from nothing in a couple decades, and your fun consists of finding a guy who caused you a million loss. It happens, right ? You just write it off and move on, right ? Who cares anyway.

No. According to the Chinese police, what you do is hire someone to kill the poor sod. That's right. At some point you fed yourself by licking bird poo off the street, and now you made a billion, and if someone "causes you to lose" a million you want them dead. They don't have to mug you or rape your wife or anything like that. Something as mysterious as "causing a loss" is good enough.

Apparently someone does not understand business. You can not make a buck without "not making" some other buck. It's how business goes. You do this or that. You take this contract or the other. For every thousand dollars a company makes, there's a thousand dollars it didn't make. Every year management sits back and sees hundreds of cases in which they would have made a pot of gold "if only we did that instead". That's the greatness of hindsight.

Someone in China does not understand business very well. It could be one of two people. It could be the guy who made a billion for himself by doing business, or it could be the police who made a billion for themselves by taking bribes. Let's just say my money is not on the guy, for this one.

So let's suppose you are reading this at your workplace, which pays you 25,000 a year, or roughly 2000 a month. You decide to off someone who cost you two bucks last month. Say there's this guy who delivers food for the office, right ? Well, you clearly told him you want the extra pepperoni topping, and he came back with double mayo no pepperoni. That sandwich cost you 2.15, and he didn't even offer to pay you back the miser.

That's it, he cost you two bucks, he's iced. Now to find someone to do it. Considering you make 2k and you were "caused to lose" 2 bucks, what would the assassination budget be, in your estimate ? Well, in the Chinese police estimate, it would be 0.2 cents. That's right. They would have us believe that a guy who made a billion but couldn't be bothered to go to Vegas got so aggravated over someone "causing him to lose" a million that he went forth and hired a hitman, for a grand.

You would think he could fucking afford more, but hey, I already said China is not a real country. The guy could afford to actually pay for the assassination of the Chinese president with a nuclear bomb (yes, he could. Osama is not worth 5 billion US$, and Russian plutonium is cheap right now), he could afford to start his own army (the SEALs cost lest than a billion a year), he could afford to start a war, cause insurrection, fly to the moon, dig a fucking hole all the way to California, but no. All he ever wanted was a 1 grand assassin.

Unreal. But there is one more interesting part. If indeed you decide to off some sod, what would you do ? Do you know what they claim Yuan did ? He told his cousin to tell his cousin to tell some guy to go find a killer. That's right. Two cousins. A perfect stranger. Another perfect stranger. Four fucking people.

What are the odds of that ever working out ? And we are supposed to sit here and believe that the richest guy in China, worth a billion got so upset over a million that he hired a budget killer and then posted the details on his front door ?

The Chinese government is greedy, and the Chinese police is stupid. But that's not why China is not a real country. China is not a real country because four jealous idiots can get together and vote a hard working, intelligent businessman out of his fortune, and out of his life. And he gets no vote.

That is not legal process, that is just shitting in the face of humanity. And China is not a real country because all the Chinese newspapers are full of how "money can buy justice". That is not the issue you morons. The issue is you live with the fucking Inquisition.

Handle it already.

14 billion Chinese think everything's fine.

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