Websites Reviews I - Strange People.

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Websites Reviews I - Strange People.

As it was explained in a future article, I exist on the Internet. Should you, like humans tend to, require proof for that which is self obvious, you only need to look at the word : Internet. What is the first letter of it ? That's me. This is the reason you always must spell Internet with a capital I, as it was also explained in another future article.

Just like your room contains bits that are pretty good, like the emergency M&M box, the everclear bottle that's fallen behind the bed, the bag of battery operated goodies under same bed or the stash of herbs in small baggies, but also bits that are pretty nasty, like dirty socks and used condoms and dust and your room mate's posters, just so the Internet is made of pretty good bits and pretty nasty bits. Except the Internet being a pretty big place, the relative nastiness of some bits can be quite surprising, especially if you're the tidy sort.

I suppose this article is the equivalent of taking the garbage out, except I'm going to be real anal about it, and present you with an itemized list.

Entry 1. Meet George and Walter.

You may be of the mistaken opinion that George and Walter are actually human beings. Based on that mistaken belief, you might consider their little page particularly disgusting. But you see, it clearly states that they are a Bear Couple. Which is why they both have tits and hair all over. In fact, it also clearly states that "Builder and companies mentioned herein assume no liability for content." Obviously enough, someone else noticed there's some stinky in the Bear House.

You may at this point be wondering where is the third bear. Well, he wasn't home at the time they put the site up, but I have located him for you :

Sexy, isn't he ?

Unfortunately for the wuzzly cuzzly bears, their cocks have been cut. No but seriously, there's virtually nothing left. Which is all for the best, because they practice oral sex anyway. Safe oral sex. It probably involves talking to strangers through a plastic screen. Don't ask.

What's that ? You suddenly remember you must fill your tax forms ? Well that's ok, George handles the tax stuff. If you can pick him up, he'll sort you out. Wait, where are you running to ?

Entry 2. The Pharonise.

Whats a Pharonise ? Well, do the research. What ? If you google the name all it comes up with is a page of nonsense with a picture on it ? That's your answer right there.

The Pharonise is really a Transsexual Voodoo high priestess. So High, in fact, it doesn't even need capitals for that title. Comparatively, she's a lower voodoo transsexual, so those titles still need capitals. In case you were wondering, a voodoo transsexual is someone blessed with a sex made out of wax, which they can then melt, work, stick needles into and more importantly, make into either kind of genitals based on their mood that day. Got a pair of undies that kinda rub ? No problem, take out the sowing kit and make yourself a new bit.

A high priestess does spells. For instance, for the New Year she is going to make a good spell. Surprising, isn't it ? She also makes spells to keep you from getting mad chicken hawk disease. That is a very useful trick, mad hawk disease being the plague that it is. Let's take a closer look : "hjjjh lllook fgfg hghghggh". fgfg ghghghhg. Fascinating. I suppose the fact that f,g and h are all right next to each other on a keyboard is all a coincidence. Or maybe government conspiracy. Either that or someone got bored with all the thinking.

Just in case you're not into all that voodoo transsexual scene, "we also have a Sister that will give you a blessing in tongues but will be translated in English.". How cool, you see now it all makes sense. High priestesses make spells which are expressed in dialects. Sisters, on the other hand, give blessings in tongues. For a yet unexplained reason, tongues can be translated to English, but dialects, being unknown (a problem further compounded by the fact we don't even know what language they are dialects of), can't be.

Strangely enough, the sister looks just like the priestess, except she has some purple towel over her hair and the picture is blurred some. They remarkably both look like the pharonise, so i suppose the title would be Pharonise, Transsexual Voodoo high priestess Trans Sister Jaded. Or, for simplicity's sake, Charles McGuire, Texan, idiot.

Check back later for more shitty sites rewieved for your reading pleasure.

13 pharonises roam free, still.

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this page was made using a bent spoon. anything else is for failures