Transcedental Interviews. Today, Frank Zappa

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Transcedental Interviews. Today, Frank Zappa

Me : Hello Frank, wanna answer some questions ?
FZ : I guess.

Me : It's going to be on the supreme website of all time.
FZ : Oh god. You're going to get more idiots to kill themselves ? Didn't you have enough already ? Look around you. Just look for chrissakes ! (FZ points to large herds of teenagers running and screaming around)

Me : Well, at least being immaterial now they can't bump into one another. Progress !
FZ : You're irresponsible.

Me : I'm very responsible. I just don't have anyone to answer to. It's quite a different feeling. But anyway, want to tell our readers where you live ?
FZ : Now in Webern.

Me : I thought you liked Penderecki ?
FZ : Don't even go there. Am I asking you questions about pointless topologies ? It will take me forever just to explain to you what harmony is.

Me : You know, you lost.
FZ : I lost what ?

Me : You lost your little private war. Didn't ...
FZ : (interrupts) What war, you fool ?

Me : (unabated) Didn't you say a while back that musicians shouldnt be robots spewing off some kind of little noise that audiences can identify with ?
FZ : So they shouldn't.

Me : Yet they are, have you checked out Mtv lately ?
FZ : Whats Mtv ?

Me : Dawg, yo don't check out da station up here ? Dat's sick !
FZ : Eh ?

Me : It's a music station
FZ : No it's not.

Me : Well, can't argue with you about music, I'm sure you'll bitchslap me about harmony again and I cant have it twice in one interview, its not shampoo.
FZ : What's that war foolishness ?

Me : Music now is just what you always said music should not be.
FZ : No. Music still is what it always was. The stuff people play is not always very musical, and back in the 70's it wasn't always all that musical either.

Me : What's the point then ?
FZ : Point of what ? Music ? It doesn't need a point.

Me : No, the point of playing and doing interviews and concerts and stuff.
FZ : Go outside and play sometime, you'll see whats the point. And if you don't we can always meet back here. Concerts are fun.

Me : What happened to “only in it for the money” ?
FZ : It sold out.

Me : You made some of the shittiest films ever. Why bother ?
FZ : Name a shitty film that I made.

Me : Fine. 200 hotels thing
FZ : It was not shitty.

Me : Nobody understands anything of that. It's maybe funny for you and 5 people. Everyone else came out of the theatre scratching his head.
FZ : Well, they came out of concerts the same way, but at least I've given them the chance to go in and see something that will allow them to scratch their heads instead of letting them sit in front of a television set and scratch their balls and know in advance what everybody is going to say and what everybody is going to do.

Me : That sounds like a stupid endeavour.
FZ : If I was that smart I'd be taking interviews not giving them.

Me: Are you still knocking your head against the wall?
FZ: No. I just stopped getting agitated about it; it doesn't bother me.

Me : Isn't that frustrating?
FZ : Only if you let it be.

Me : Say, you think kids should finish college ?
FZ : No

Me : High school ?!
FZ : No. High schoolws is wonderful preparation for life in a factory. That's all it is. Either they prepare you to be a consumer, or to be somebody who puts front bumpers on Chevrolets.

Me : What about college?
FZ : It's the same thing. The best thing about college is you can get laid. You can get laid in high school, too, these days if you're lucky. But in high school, it is a bit tougher. The only thing that is really useful about college is that it's a good place for people to get together and go off and build their little lives together. Because if you didn't go to college, or some other place where there's a high concentration of like-minded people, you'd wind up spending all your time in bars.

Me : What's wrong with bars ?
FZ : They make you pay.

Me : What do you think of drugs?
FZ : I think they're OK for people who like them.

Me : Do you like Brecht ?
FZ : The composer ?

Me : No, the playwright
FZ : I don't know. I once saw half of the “Three-Penny Opera", half or so, I couldn't sit through the rest.

Me : That was decades ago you did that
FZ : Yea, sounds about right.

Me : Would you agree if I said Brecht is just a pretentious prick who thinks he knows everything about writing plays but somehow mysteriously can't write a bearable play to save his life ?
FZ : Yes.

Me : Why ?
FZ : Because I am getting tired of this and I'm trying to get it over with

Me : Well okay, mind if we continue some other time ?
FZ : If you stop with the kids

Me : Fine. At Frank Zappa's request, I will make the following statement :

Anyone under 18 killing themselves will be stuck forever in their present form. That means the zits, the small cock complete with a budding erectile disfunction, the shaky voice and everything else stays, forever. And I do mean forever, unlike that slut Peggy Sue. Wait a couple of years, it won't kill you.

15 Zappa fans never saw this interview before.

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