Transcendental Interviews. Today, Tucker Max.

ASYLUM
The Great American Novel

COSTA RICA
Live Your Life in High Definition.

EGYPT
Follow the Golden Path.

COSTA RICA
Other People are Having Fun. Why miss out ?

ROMANIA
Why Donate Blood ? Visit Dracula Castle.

TURKEY
Bosphorus, the Water between Three Continents

EGYPT
The Pyramids are Forever. Your life is not.

Advertise here

Transcendental Interviews. Today, Tucker Max.

ME : Welcome.
TM : Thank you.

ME : Who's she ?
TM : I can't remember her name...

ME : Well how did you get her here then ?
TM : I dunno, she's been sorta following me around.

ME : Did you have sex ?
TM : Of course we had sex ! What sort of a stupid question is that ? You're talking to Tucker Max not some unreliable random jerk.

ME : How did you have sex if you don't know her name ? "You over there, strip" ?
TM : You don't really need to talk for sex, it kinda sorts itself out.

ME : Did you ever do it with a guy then ?
TM : (goes all red, flaps arms, moves about) Me ?! NO ! Never ! What do you mean ?! Argh ! Blrhh ! That's disgusting !

ME : I thought it just sort's itself out, what's the problem ?
TM : Well, it does, with girls ! Not with boys. I mean, not sexually, I mean...

ME : Why not ?
TM : Look man, the chemistry just isn't there alright ? Let it rest already.

ME : Are you impotent ?
TM : What do you mean by that ?!

ME : I mean, does it happen to you that you can't get an erection when you would like one, unless you pop some Viagra or something.
TM : You ever read my site ?! I'm the best there is. Ultimate lady killer. (points to himself) Tucker Max. I even write books on the matter, for chrissake.

ME : So it never happened that you were with a girl and couldn't get it up.
TM : It might have happened, I mean... It happens to everybody, right ? I mean... I usually drink and that doesn't help.

ME : You know, I think it's strange that all you have to say is essentially that you write about it on a site and in some books. That's not really sex, is it ?
TM : What do you want, I should start my own porn site ?

ME : But is it true that before anyone has sex with you, you insist they sign an non disclosure agreement ?
TM : That's ridiculous, I mean often enough I go to bed with chicks I just met, fans and all that, after drinking the entire evening. I couldn't even write my name half the time.

ME : I thought if you drunk you couldn't get it up anyway ?
TM : Not all the time.

ME : Well, in between it not happening all that often anyway, and the fact little Tuck doesn't handle his liquor too well, I suppose there's not all that much chance left in the chance encounters, is there ?
TM : Little Tuck ? What the hell is that ?

ME : What, I should have said little Max ? I didn't want to hurt your feelings, what with it being a little bellow max and all that.
TM : What ?! Who told you that.

ME : Ahem... Well actually it is public knowledge. I imagined you knew.
TM : Whaaat ?! No way ! Nooo way.

ME : Yea, how did the expression go, Tucker Max and his whole four inches ?
TM : That's utter bullshit.

ME : Easily proven as such. Let's see.
TM : I'm not going to drop my pants.

ME : What's wrong with it ?
TM : Besides, it would skew the results. This place is intimidating... and besides, I've had a few drinks on the way in.

ME : Really ? Whatcha have ?
TM : Ummm... a couple martini's... some tequila shots... man, I don't even remember it all.

ME : Heh. There's no alcohol in hell other than Budweiser and American wine. Now stop sissying around and let's settle this.

ME : Oh my dear lord ! What is that ?!
TM : (just sits there, very red and sniffling)

ME : That is utterly repugnant. I am suddenly not surprised you spend most of your time maintaining a website dedicated to your sexual prowess. God that's disgusting. This interview is officially over. Ewwwww.

13 people don't know who Tucker Max is.

Comment

this page was made using a bent spoon. anything else is for failures