News that Matter. Romania to pass new immigration law.

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News that Matter. Romania to pass new immigration law.

The Incontinental, Bucharest, Romania. Romanian officials announced today that the Parliament is set to review wide sweeping new legislation to curb immigration to the country from certain "high risk" groups.

This is the latest move in a decade long struggle to contain Romania's biggest social problem, since the ousting of communist leaning dictator Nikolai Cheauchescu, namely excessive fatty deposits around the citizen's frontal thorax. The issue has been proven to affect more females (96.5% of a 2900 country wide sample reported the problem) than males (23.3%). Coming on top of already respectable hips and historically narrow waists, the problem threatens to split half of the population and put an end to the country's remarkable economical growth.

"There's just no way they can cope with it, it's just too much. The human body was not designed to carry watermelons around, and it shows. People come in every day, complaining of back pains and stretched muscles", the head of the Central Hospital in Bucharest, dr. Chop Emoff said. "If the current trends keep up, we are going to simply run out of room, nationwide." he continued.

Apparently, the problem is on a growing trend, clinics all over the country reporting an average increase in total breast mass by 6.9% each year, with a peak of 12.8% reported in 2001. At the current rate, statisticians estimate the average romanian will be half made of breasts in 2019, but that conceals the grim truth : only half of the population was female to begin with.

The situation is forcing businessmen and breast support designers to stretch available resources to break point. "We are now building about 60% of all our bras with a solid 2 mm kevlar rim and support structure", Getta Pat, owner and opperator of the SteelBrazier WomenWear plant. "It used to be steel was good enough, but it all changed years back. Now we will probably have to rebrand our products. It's all the fault of those pesky Swedes and I hope the government takes action soon."

Some medical professionals and trend watchers belive the problem is linked to the large numbers of Swedish and Finnish nationals coming into the country. The problem certainly exists, and tripartite talks between the three governments have been underway for quite some time, however no agreement has yet been reached.

"It's simply impossible to do", said Grabem Whileyoucan, a border patrol at the Romanian-Ukrainian border. "There's one showing you her passport and fifty going right past. There's no way you can see past and they are taking advantage". Attempts to install better video surveillance at the border has resulted in very fatigued workers and some successful upstart web based businesses, but no dent in the problem.

The Danish prime minister Anders Fogs Rasmussen declared that "Romania does all it can to combat over mammarization and ensure sustainable growth and a lifted and sepparated future for it's citizens. The Swedish prime minister did not immediately return a call asking for comments however.

The proposed legislation would forbid any person wearing C or above from entering the country, and it comes with unprecedented appropriations estimated at US 5.9 billion providing for the implementation, and including sattelite surveillance as well as specially training about 250,000 displaced Turks, Iraquis and Afghans to form a new Boobie Border Patrol.

"It's about damn time," an innocent bystander said. "If this fails, there's nothing else left but building a wall all along the border."

Released 5 jan 2006.

15 lbs of boob have been confiscated and destroyed by the Romanian Corset Guard.

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